Summer is the Time to Get Your Ducks in a Row

With the long, lazy days of summer here, it’s nice to have a reprieve from the rushing chaos of the school year. A few months of relaxed summer fun is always a welcomed break from the pressures of the never-ending hamster-wheel of life the school year brings. This slower pace gives us the luxury of time to both reflect on current situations and also look forward. This makes summer the perfect time to get your ducks in a row and get organized, both in your space and mind.

This is especially true when you are in an unhappy marriage and know things need to change. Knowing a change is needed, but not knowing where to start, can be overwhelming. The start of the schoolyear is the ideal time to start the divorce process once kids’ days are full again with learning and activities away from the home. Additionally, if you believe your divorce will be amicable, the divorce process could be completed before Thanksgiving if initiated when school starts.

NOW is the time to begin deciding on your next steps by preparing for changes to come. While divorce may be only one option you consider for making a positive change, here are a few ways to get your ducks in a row if you are even considering divorce:

 Learn what to Expect

 The most valuable thing you can do for yourself is learn what to expect. Gain insight into the legal process, how the law falls on issues like property division, debt accountability, child custody and support, and any other issues that may be present in your situation. Pre-divorce guidance and education will give you the understanding necessary to determine if divorce is the proper path for you to take.

 Get Organized

 The divorce process can feel like a run-away train when you are not in charge of the process. To help reduce or eliminate this helpless feeling, enter the process already organized.  Specifically, get organized with your finances. The easiest way to begin is to make a list of all assets and liabilities, along with their status’. Your list should include:

 ·      All financial accounts in your name, your partner’s name, or both of your names;

·      any financial accounts or assets owned jointly with anyone outside of the marriage, or located outside of the United States;

·      investments and retirement accounts;

·      assets owned by you, your partner, or both of you together; and

·      all debts, loans (hard and soft), and any other types of liabilities that you or your partner are attached to in any way.

 Use this tool to help you collect all this information and continue to add to it over time. This will be extremely valuable and will help save you time later.

 Establish a Private Avenue for Communication

 When a marriage is in a good place, partners share the intimate details of their lives, plans, and thoughts. This is not a surprise nor new information, although it is important to point out that they also often share passwords. So much so that a partner can often guess what one of your passwords may be, even if was not overtly shared. When a marriage becomes unhappy, it is vital to secure a new and private channel for communication. It may be as simple as creating a new email account with a novel password – one your partner cannot guess – one that your partner does not know about. This can prove useful later for gathering information, confidential communication with your lawyer or the court, and for your personal privacy.

 Secure Access to Funds

No one wants to think their partner would play dirty, but do you have a plan in place if your partner discovers you are contemplating making a change, and subsequently drains all joint bank accounts? Secure your access to joint funds NOW so once a case is filed, you can support yourself through the process and pay any legal fees timely.

 If all your credit cards are jointly held with your partner, do some research and get your own credit card now – one your partner does not have access to. This can help you build and/or raise your own credit score which will be imperative if you later decide to move out of the marital home and need to find a new place to live.

 Create a Roadmap for your Future

 Finally, envision how you want the next phase of your life to look post-divorce. Actualize how to achieve that vision, set real goals and real deadlines, and follow-through. This is a pro-active way to take charge of your situation and will help you focus on shaping the next phase of your life rather than dwelling on the unhappiness you are experiencing right now.

 There is no reason to feel stuck in an unhappy marriage if you can get your ducks in a row and look to what the future can hold for you.